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Date Rape/Sexual Assault

“Date Rape” is any forced or coercive sexual contact, including touching, vaginal and anal intercourse, fondling, oral sex, or any other unwanted sexual activity. “Date Rape” is punishable by imprisonment and/or fine.

The Aftermath of Sexual Assault:

Rape is a complex and painful experience which requires a combination of legal, medical, psychological, religious, family and personal responses. A sexual assault can disrupt a person’s life in many ways. Common feelings include fear, anxiety, rage, depression, and even guilt. Thoughts can be contradictory and confusing. Being raped by someone you initially trusted can be especially devastating because you are left with the feeling that you can’t trust your own judgment. Some disturbing feelings and thoughts may not become apparent for days, weeks, months, or even years. Counselling and the support of others have proven very helpful and can hasten your recovery. You need not go through the aftermath of sexual assault alone. The Counsellors at BU provide counselling to students who have experienced date rape.

Some Facts About Date Rape:

Canadian women can experience sexual assault every day at home, at work, at school and on the street.

  • A 1993 Statistics Canada survey found that one-half of all Canadian women have experienced at least one incident of sexual or physical violence. Almost 60% of these women were the targets of more than one such incident.
  • A full 57 % of all rapes happen on dates. And teenagers are particularly vulnerable. The risk of sexual assault is four times greater for 16-24 year olds.
  • A 1984 study found that one in four Canadian women will be sexually assaulted during her lifetime. Half of these assaults will be against women under the age of 16.
  • Of the women who are sexually assaulted, most (69%) are sexually assaulted by men known to them: dates, boyfriends, marital partners, friends, family members or neighbours.
  • Four out of five female undergraduates recently surveyed at Canadian universities said that they had been victims of violence in a dating relationship. Of that number, 29% reported incidents of sexual assault.
  • For women with disabilities, these figures may be even higher. One study indicates that 83% of women with disabilities will be sexually assaulted during their lifetime.
  • Most sexual assaults (60%) occur in a private home and the largest percentage of these (38%) in the victims home. The idea that most sexual assaults fit the ‘stranger-in-the-dark-alley’ stereotype can lead to a false sense of security.
  • 38% of sexually assaulted women were assaulted by their husbands, common-law partners or boyfriends. Although sexual assault within relationships is illegal in Canada, few women report such incidents to police.
  • A recent survey provides a strong indication of the range of potential male offenders.  60% of Canadian college-aged males indicated that they would commit sexual assault if they were certain they would not get caught.

Information and Suggestions For Avoiding Date Rape:

  1. Spend time thinking and discussing the role that you want sex to play, if any, in your life right now. If past sexual experiences have been troubling or if you have questions about the role of sex in your life, you may wish to seek out someone to trust (a friend, relative, minister, resident advisor, and counsellor) and talk out your thoughts and feelings.
  2. Communicate your expectations clearly, while sober and allow your date/partner to do the same. You need not apologize for the limits you set. Be firm! If you try not to hurt feelings by hinting in a nice way, your implied “no” may be ignored. It is okay to be direct and firm with someone who is sexually pressuring you, even if it causes hurt feelings. After all, this person is not attending to your feelings.
  3. If you believe that you know just what your date/partner really wants, thinks and feels, even though she/he says the opposite-you are courting disaster.
  4. Both men and women have the same rights to initiate contact, to set and reset limits that will be respected. Building a relationship requires two people working together as equals and mutual agreement as to the role sex will play in their relationship. Nobody has the right to force you to do something you don’t want to do.
  5. Both men and women sometimes feel pressure to be sexually active. Think for yourself; as with any serious decision, you are the one who will have to live with the consequences.
  6. If you use alcohol, use it in moderation. Alcohol and other drugs decrease inhibitions, lead to impulsive behaviour, and interfere with rational thought. In most reported date rape cases both the man and woman have been drinking.
  7. Sexual aggression does happen and can happen to you. If it does, don’t keep silent. Talk to someone about what happened. There are people here who care.
  8. Trust your feelings and thoughts when you have a “sense” that something is wrong. Act on it. If your date makes hostile comments or insists on making all the decisions, or seems extremely jealous or possessive, this person may not be respectful of your right to refuse sex.
  9. Assert your limits. If you decide to say “No” to your date/partner:
    • MAKE YOUR STATEMENTS SHORT, CLEAR AND AUDIBLE
    • TRY TO MAINTAIN DIRECT EYE CONTACT AND ERECT POSTURE
    • USE FACIAL EXPRESSIONS AND GESTURES TO ADD EMPHASIS
  10. Education yourself about sex and gender. Catch any assumptions that may influence your sexual behaviour. For instance, many women have been taught to believe that a man cannot control himself sexually once he reaches a “certain point.” This is simply not true. Many men in our culture have been taught that the purpose of a date is to “score” or “get laid,” and that they have somehow failed if a date doesn’t end in sex.
  11. Think twice about going to a man’s room or apartment. Most date rapes occur on the partner’s turf. Be careful about inviting a man into your room or apartment. Some men see this as an invitation to sexual activity.
  12. Until you begin to know a person well, try to arrange double dates or schedule the first few dates around public activities such as movies, dinner, concerts, etc.
  13. Heavy petting or removing some of your clothing may confuse your date about what you are willing to do sexually. When you send conflicting messages, the situation becomes more difficult for you and your date/partner to control.
  14. Trust that “no” always means “no.” It is NEVER permissible to force yourself on a partner, even if you believe he/she is leading you on. If your partner says “no”, respect that person’s right to control his/her own body. Recognize that you must take responsibility for yours.
  15. If you are not absolutely certain that sexual activity is mutually agreed upon, WAIT. Waiting is always an options.
  16. If you have sex without your partner’s consent, you are committing a crime even if you have had sex with this person previously. Remember, your partner, like you can decide to change his/her mind at any time, and you must respect that decision.
  17. Recognize that a person’s sexual history contains no message for a new situation.
  18. Understand that provocative or revealing clothing, even suggestive dancing, contains no invitation to assault sexually.
  19. Understand that spending money on a partner bears no entitlement to sex as “repayment.”
  20. Sex with a person who is intoxicated, under the influence of other drugs, unconscious, or otherwise physically helpless or mentally incapacitated, is a (particularly awful) criminal act.
  21. Know that the consequences for being convicted of criminal sexual conduct are very heavy and long lasting. Sexual assault can lead to a long prison sentence, expulsion from university and the need to report the conviction for rape to prospective employers.
  22. Stay Aware and Alert! Do not accept drinks from anyone you don’t know well or from anyone you don’t trust. Do not leave your drink unattended. If you are accepting a drink, make sure it is in an unopened container and that you open it yourself. Do not allow anyone you don’t know well to escort you home if you are under the influence of any substance. Call your friends or family and ask them to take you home.

What To Do In Case Of Date Rape Or Sexual Assault:

If you are threatened with rape by either a stranger or a date, you will have to use your own best judgment about how to react. Some experts recommend that you make as much noise as possible, but this is helpful only if there are people close by who can and will come to your assistance. Other experts believe that calling for help or struggling may simply antagonize or excite a rapist and increase the intent to complete a rape. PRESERVING YOUR LIFE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT GOAL; NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO DURING THE ASSAULT, YOU ARE NOT THE GUILTY PARTY.

Help Is Available:

Brandon University Counsellors provide free and confidential counselling to currently enrolled students. Listed below are the telephone numbers for the counsellors and for other important resources.

On Campus:

  • Student Services Counsellors: 727-9739 or 727-9769
  • Campus Security: 727-9700

Community:

  • Police – General: 729-2345, 1340 10th Street
  • Police – Emergency: 911
  • Mobile Crisis Unit 24hr help line: 725-4411
  • Brandon Regional Health Centre – emergency – 150 McTavish Ave. East
  • YWCA Westman Women’s Shelter (24 hour crisis line): 727-3644

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